Funny Clean Jokes

A Fly Feels A Bug On Its Back

September 11, 2019 / 3,595 views

A fly feels a bug on its back. “Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?” the fly asks. “I mite be,” giggles the mite. “That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard,” groans the…

A Girl Named Darling

August 13, 2019 / 6,423 views

A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing at school. Eventually, she overcame her hang-up and married her high-school sweetheart. When their first child was…

A Conversation With A Scammer

July 10, 2019 / 7,758 views

Me: “Hello.” NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.” Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you…

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates

June 13, 2019 / 8,183 views

St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. “Thank you,” the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger…

Three Men Go To Hell And They’re Pissed

May 22, 2019 / 8,588 views

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.” Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip…

Are These Plates Clean?

April 18, 2019 / 14,001 views

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather. While eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he notices his plate isn’t clean. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather…

Two Americans Go To Church In France

April 04, 2019 / 10,836 views

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed. “Well,” one says…

A Blonde Attempts A Jigsaw Puzzle

March 12, 2019 / 13,774 views

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s…

A Sales Rep, Administration Clerk, And Their Manager Find A Magical Lamp

February 18, 2019 / 12,331 views

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me…

A Policeman Is Interrogating 3 Men Who Are Training To Become Detectives

January 16, 2019 / 18,481 views

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll…

Want To Participate In A Marathon?

December 20, 2018 / 15,529 views

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon. I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought, why…

Dinosaurs Find A Magic Lamp

December 03, 2018 / 19,171 views

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp. They rub it, and a genie appears. “I have three wishes, so I’ll give one to each of you,” the genie announces. The first dinosaur thinks…

A Man Stays The Night With Monks And Hears A Strange Sound

November 21, 2018 / 18,557 views

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even…

The Casket

November 12, 2018 / 15,706 views

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears: BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!… Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging…

A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven

November 02, 2018 / 99,446 views

A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died. All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in. The German shepherd says: “I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my…

Jesus And Satan Are Arguing Over Who Is Better On The Computer

October 17, 2018 / 17,044 views

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better…

A Young Couple Dies On The Way To Their Wedding

September 27, 2018 / 18,912 views

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to…

A Major Asks For The Lieutenant

September 13, 2018 / 52,052 views

A major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private. “Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.” “I was told there was.” “No,…

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